I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
