and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
your like the ambassador to my penis.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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