WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She told me I should be a condom model.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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