That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
