I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
