if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
