Dude my mom stole all your condoms
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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