that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
