WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
