jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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