Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
