We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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