apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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