dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
