You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
