Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
