No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
