I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
