me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
