My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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