You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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