is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
