last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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