think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
