yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
