this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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