i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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