Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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