fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
