and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
