doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
