My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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