You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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