happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
