If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize