2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
