Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
