i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
