The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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