Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
