Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
