I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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