I cockslap morals
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
