she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
