Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
