Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
