Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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