Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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