I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
