we made out on top of his cat.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
