I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
