ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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