We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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