Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
