She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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