No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
