I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
