i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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