gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
