It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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