mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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