one might say we're banned from that church
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
