You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
