Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
